Starting Over

Starting from scratch is hard.

I once went from months of sitting in an empty apartment to having a dozen friends whom I loved very much. I was pretty close to all of them, but closer to a few.

Now that I'm in South Carolina I feel as if I have been cut off. Disconnected to my world of friends. I am back to sitting in an empty house with no one to talk to. It's not fun.

If you know what type of person I am, you know that I need people. I yearn for friendships and I hate being alone. I open myself up to people I barely know hoping for a friendship. Once a friendship is established I will and am a good friend. Well, as we all know, relationships can't be one-sided. I can't be a friend to myself...

I guess that's the culture of the military lifestyle. Starting from scratch. Jumping from place to place, only to figure out how to be a person again. Find friends. Find a life outside of my house and outside of my husband.

We all know we need girl time.

I have two years here, so let's hope I get out of this slump soon.

New Beginnings

Where do I start!?!?

These last two weeks have been a whirl-wind of brand new everythings.

Let me first point out my new blog design courtesy of miss Brie over at etceteralife.com. Thanks so much! She did a great job!

Next on the list...Our move! We are finally settled in to our nice new place in Beaufort. I absolutely love our house and I love where we live! It's all so much different then California. The locals here, are actually really nice. I was even pleasantly surprised that the community of Beaufort actually support military personnel. I have always heard horror stories of members of the military living in some town/city that doesn't give a lick about them....I'm so glad I'm not in one of those places! :)

Now for the new additions in my life...

We have the newest member of the family, Mieka (pronounced Mee-ka). She's a 4 month old, full blooded, great dane. She's the size of a full grown lab. I have a feeling she's going to be our minature pony once she's grown.

Also, babies being born everywhere...my friends back in California had their babies recently. Callan Avery was born September 26th and Allyson Grace was born October 1st! Congrats to the new proud parents! I will be meeting Callan come December, and I cannot wait!

Now, that I have internet, I will hopefully be blogging on a new job soon! I have been applying and applying so I am very hopeful that I will get a job offer somewhere. Prayers!

Last, but certainly not least, on the list, is our anniversary! It's coming up in about a week. It's our first one and I am so excited that I will be able to spend it with my husband. :)

Done.

So I've come to learn a lot about people in my 22 years of life...

Not saying that I'm old...

I'm only saying that I've lived and I've learned. I've learned the easy way, but I've also learned the hard way. Being a military wife, or just in the military, it forces you to grow up fast.

I've always tried to be the best person I know how to be. I've explained this in my last posts time and time again. That being said, let me tell you about my journey, and in explaining my journey, I know I won't make friends, and I know I'll probably lose some more...but here it goes anyway.

When Evan went into boot camp I had friends in college who couldn't understand why I would just sit and wait on a man for 3 months. They encouraged me to move on, date, and see other people. I turned them down time and time again. I lost these friends over the 3 months of me waiting, all because I supported him. I didn't do them wrong, they just didn't understand. These friends would claim to be my best friends... I went along with the idea of them being my best friends, and even believed them.

However, when it came to marrying my real best friend, my "best friends" ditched me. They didn't support me. At all. They didn't come to our reception, nothing. It really bothered me at first, but then I realized if they really were my friends would they have treated me like that? No. Would they have ditched me for some party for the two of them, right before I left for California? No. Absolutely not.

I haven't talked to them, much, if at all.

Then you have the mil-spouses/girlfriends/fiancées (or whatever).

I became good friends with one lady who didn't know a whole lot about the Marine Corps, so I took lead and showed her the ropes. Her and her, then boyfriend, were new to the Corps so I taught her everything I knew. I didn't do this because I felt like I had to. I just did it because I wanted to. Then, they get married, send me an invite and everything. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend (it was out of state), but I supported them throughout the whole thing. A few months down the line this friend calls me out on a facebook status....tells me I don't support my husband among other things. What. Excuse me? Just because I am complaining about a certain situation -not pertaining to you- doesn't mean I don't support my husband. Mind your own business.

We're no longer friends.

Then, coming to California, I have met some great people. People I'd do anything for. People I'd go out of my way to do things for, people I have gone out of my way to do things for. I have never done anyone wrong and I've always thought that they'd give me the shirt off their back. I thought I was personable, I thought I was liked. I was proved wrong again.

My husband gets here tomorrow and we leave Monday morning. Saying that, we decided we'd try to get everyone together for one last "coffee" morning while I was here. Well, we had a not-so-great turnout which really threw me for a loop. It really made me feel not-so-special anymore. It hurt.

Don't get me wrong, I have had some great experiences with people also, but today, I'm here to say that I'm done.

I'm done letting people into my life. You are no longer worth it to me and in the end I don't matter to you, so why should you matter to me? You don't. I'm finished. I am building walls, so stay out.

The people that do matter to me will stay in my life only because I know that I matter to them and that they are worth my time. Relationships work two ways, folks. Friendships are relationships too.

I'm done being hurt. I'm done being disappointed.

There I said it. I said how I feel. Is that what you were waiting on? You're not going to walk all over me again. Ever again.

"At this point I would so much rather have a few good friends than a lot of fake friends." -Lauren Conrad

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou

My Time In Cali

So here it is, it's coming to an end. I've been in California since December 2009 and I'm leaving come Monday.

Let me tell you, I've definitely met some of the greatest people I know.

After my husband left in May 2010, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I hadn't met many people nor grown close to anyone, but I knew I couldn't go back to Ohio due to financial reasons. All I could keep thinking is that I'd be staring at the four walls of our apartment for the next four months. I was a mess (to say the least).

Well, after the first couple weeks of me being home alone I received a phone call. It was Jamie. Jamie and I had met 2 weekends before my husband left California and we really didn't know one another. As we were talking she brought up the thought of me moving in with her, her husband, Greg, and their, then, 11 month old son, Emerson. After talking it over with the husband we concluded that it'd be a great idea.

It was the best idea ever. The last 4 months of my life out in California have been very enjoyable. I'm not sure what I'd do without Jamie and Greg. They've really taken me under their wing and I am forever grateful. They rescued me from nights of constant crying. I didn't realize I could make such great friends in such little time.

Emerson, their son has also been a saving grace to me. I love this kid so much. I've always liked kids, but Emerson is truly one of a kind that I've become really close to! I've seen him go from crawling to walking to running. He's even saying words now. Of course, among his words is "Jess"...ahhh! It's amazing how much he's grown and it'll tear me up to leave.

I know reading this you probably are thinking, wow, she didn't know these people, how did it go? Truthfully, me living here has been amazing. We haven't fought or argued about anything. Jamie is a stay at home mom and I am a stay at home wife. For us being around one another 24/7 you'd think we'd have fights...or something. We haven't. Not one. We've become extremely close and I love this family with my entire heart and I will definitely miss them.

Along with Jamie, I have met so many different Marine wives. It's amazing how much different we all are, but yet, so much alike. I have been so blessed to have so many friends out here. It's such a bittersweet circumstance. I am very happy to be able to be with my husband, but yet so sad to have to leave everyone that I have met here. Marine wives are like family to me. It's just the vicious cycle that we military families experience. You marry a Marine, leave your family for complete strangers (across the country) who then become your family, and you just leave again. It's definitely a one of a kind lifestyle that you'll never understand unless you live it.

So in writing this, I just wanted to show Jamie and Greg how appreciative I am of them. Without you guys I honestly don't know what I'd be doing. I'd probably be banging my head against the wall with tears running down my face. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can never explain how grateful I am for you.

I love you and I will miss you more than you know.