Spread Your Wings

Today has been a very sad day. I got news that my Grandpa passed away this morning. He had been fighting for some time now, and now he's in the presence of our good Lord and Savior.

The last time I saw him it broke my heart. He wasn't doing well and wasn't coherent. Without his oxygen he wasn't "all there". He had just came through congested heart failure.

Then, my birthday came, and he called. I missed his call and he left a message. I didn't know how to get a hold of him to return his call. That's the last time I heard his voice, and I still have the voice message. He told me, "I'm doing good, Jessica, don't worry about ol' Grandpa. I haven't smoked in a long time. I hope you have a happy birthday." I was so happy to hear from him and I couldn't believe he remembered my birthday. My dad was shocked that he remembered on his own as well. How happy he made me.

Then, about two weeks ago I got a call from my mom telling me he was in ICU and was diagnosed with congested heart failure and pneumonia. He was incoherent again and was on a breathing machine. He didn't move for 3 days. He remained in ICU and they ran test after test on him. He was on oxygen again, but was still very confused. We then learned he had pulmonary fibrosis and his lungs were no longer able to absorb oxygen. Mom said one day they visited and he told them he had been swimming all day. This makes my heart smile. Even though he wasn't physically swimming, he was in his mind, and he was having a good time.

Yesterday, mom called me again and told me that my dad had to move him to hospice and they gave him about a week to live. A week. A week turned into not even 24 hours. Today, he passed away.

He was a great man and I will miss him dearly. He loved Evan and I so much and he was very proud of us.

Grandpa, we will continue to make you proud, and I know you are smiling down on us from heaven. We love you. May you rest in peace.

I know your life on earth was troubled

And only you could know the pain

You weren't afraid to face the Devil

You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain

Son your work on earth is done

Go to Heaven a shoutin'

Love for the Father and the Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us

We gathered round your grave to grieve

Wish I could see the angels' faces

When they hear your sweet voice sing

So go rest high on that mountain

Son, your work on earth is done

Go to Heaven a shoutin'

Love for the Father and the Son

So go rest high on that mountain

Son, your work on earth is done

Go to Heaven a shoutin'

Love for the Father and the Son

Go to Heaven a shoutin'

Love for the Father and the Son

Milspouse Friday!

I found this on Mrs. S' blog, but make sure you go check out Wife of a Sailor so you can link up and read about other milspouses too!

1. What is your spouse’s best feature?

I'm going to assume this is physical? So, I'm gonna tell you that my hubbys best features are his back, soft lips, and his soft hands. :)

2. Mild, Medium or Hot sauce?

I am a medium hot sauce chick! I can't deal with the heat of hot and mild isn't enough for me....so stick me in the middle and you get medium!!

3. What is the worst uniform you had to wear for a job?

The only job that I had to wear a uniform for was a soccer referee. That wasn't so bad. I can say I hated working for DHL in the sort center where I wore a cut off shirt, basketball shorts, and steel toed boots every day during summer. Talk about gross.

4. You have invisible powers… where is the first place you would go?

I would probably go check out what it's -really- like in the Marine Corps. My husband says I don't know what it's like, so I'd like to go check it out myself! ;). Plus, if he got in trouble, I think it'd be funny to watch him without his knowledge. LOL. Don't judge me! :-p

5. What’s left on your “to do” list for this summer?

Really, there's not much left on my "to do" list for this summer. We are getting a PDS soon and I will have to do some researching on places to live before we get there, but that's about it (besides trying to find a job, but what's new).

A Loneliness from Hell

Have you ever felt like your world was, per say, crashing down around you? Or that you weren't worth anything to anyone? How about being so lonely that you don't even see a single soul around you?

Well, I've been having one of those weeks. I know, it's only Tuesday. It could only get better from here. Let's hope.

I just have been so discouraged recently. I'm not sure if it's because I just got done seeing my husband a couple weeks ago, and being without him has been a little tough, or what. Fact-of-the-matter-is, I'm still an emotional wreck.

I can't find a job. All I want to do is help my husband support our family. I have tried for nearly EIGHT MONTHS to find a job. I've applied everywhere! My degree that was thousands of dollars is USELESS. I'm useless.

I feel alone in a crowd of people. I always seem to be out of place with no words to help me. I feel lost with an opinion that doesn't matter.

My husband does everything he can do, but he is thousands of miles away. He's the only one that knows the deep crevices of my mind. He's my best friend.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to or what to talk about. It's hard for me to open up to someone and not feel like I'm being exposed to the world, and just judged. I'm pitiful and I miss my husband. A lot.

I want to do something, but I don't know what. I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything either. I love to scrapbook, but I haven't made time for it. I haven't been busy, I just don't do it, and I make excuses in the process.

I'm scared, alone, confused, and just miserable. 45 days. I pray I can handle this.

God wouldn't give me anything I cannot handle. I know this.

Marriage

I came across something today that made me open my eyes to a wonderful little thing called marriage. It made me realize that my husband and I both need to appreciate one another more.

I've learned that we not only need to appreciate one another, but we need to cherish the little things in life. Instead of focusing on the big things in life, like how much money is in the bank, or how much gas is in the car, we need to focus on the little details in life.

Someone also asked me this week how I liked marriage.

Let me tell you, I don't fit the status quo of someone who "should be" married. I'm young. I didn't let that stop me from being with the love of my life.

Also, being married to a Marine is lots different then being married to a civilian. Marines are trained to hold in emotion. My husband does not exalt as much emotion as he used to, or as much as I'd like, but I love him with my whole heart and I wouldn't change anything. I have nearly learned how to tell the difference between his love for me and his job. That's a challenge within itself and a whole different story.

I love being married, but it is a battle sometimes.

Marriage is hard. Very hard. It's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever go through. I've always been told there's a few things that will test and try your life and they are; 1) getting married, 2) buying a house, and 3) having a baby.

I've been married almost a year now and we have had our ups and downs. Sure, we fight, but who doesn't. I'd be lying if I said we never fight and we have a fairy tale marriage...pffft...yeah right.

Marriage is a battle of giving and taking. It's not a constant -give give give- on one person's side and a -take take take- from the other person. How would that be fair? I think this is the hardest thing to grasp as husband and wife. It's still hard for us to wrap our mind around, but if you understand the concept your relationship will be awesome in the end.

If you both take the time to listen when you don't necessarily want to it will make things so much easier. I cannot express how vital communication is. Not only listening, but talking. Tell each other what's on your mind. What's bothering you? How can you fix it? Don't place blame, but work it out fairly, fix it together. Give and take. Have patience! Marriage will test and try your patience to your last straw!

Don't forget to say I love you every day. Evan and I say I love you every single day, a million times a day. And, don't let it become habit. Stop yourself and tell your spouse, "hey, I really meant that". Remind them how special they really are to you.

Don't ever go to bed mad, upset, angry, or whatever you like to call it. From day one we have promised each other that we won't ever go to bed upset. If you do, it only causes for a bad night and a bad morning with a bad day following. Don't stir on your problems, resolve them. I'm only speaking from experience.

Also, if you are religious, try to make God the head of your household. This is something that my husband and I have struggled with. We are both Christians, but because we have moved around a lot, we haven't been able to find a church. This isn't an excuse, and it isn't excusable, but I will admit, we need to work on it. Christ is so important in a household. He will get you through any problems you may have.

Lastly, remind one another that you need them in your life. Tell them that you are proud of them. Show affection in not only the way you touch them, but in your words. Mean everything you say and do. Love one another.

Lovely Blog!

Thank you so much to Reagan from The Mrs' blog! She gave me my one and only blogger award thus far! I appreciate it, girl!! You are an inspiration as well!!

The rules of the award are as follows:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass the award to 9 fellow bloggers who inspire you.

4. Let them know about the award.

So.............

7 things about me;

1. I'm 22 years old.

2. I'm from Ohio, living in California.

3. I'm married to a Marine.

4. I love the color GREEN!

5. My "child's" name is Bentley (he's a cat).

6. I drive a 2006 Cobalt.

7. I used to take livestock to the county fair!

9 bloggers that inspire me;

1. Rachel from A Little Pink in a World of Camo

2. Brie from Etceteralife

3. Amber from Goodnight Moon

4. Sydney from Momma Vicious

5. Cheryl from Boots in the Doorway

6. Mrs. S from The Adventures of Mr. Superman and Mrs. S

7. Melissa from Our Semper Fidelis

8. The ladies from Semper Spouse

9. Samantha from The Life of a United States Marine Corps Wife

Semper Spouse

So, I found a really great blog to follow and wanted to share with you guys!

Semper Spouse is a blog for Marine Corps wives that allows you to connect with other spouses around the world. Monday through Thursday you will get to learn about the lives of four different spouses, each with different experiences within the Marine Corps. On Fridays, the spouses choose a featured blogger.

On the weekends they have their link-up, where they encourage you to add the best posts from your blog in the past week for other bloggers to visit. Another upside of this blog is if you are the wife of a deployed Marine, you can potentially profit from this site with their Drawing for the Deployed at the end of every month!

Go check it out and become a member!

Vent Session

Let me just vent...that's why I have this blog, right?!

Lately I've been having my days. You know, those days. I've been really missing my husband a ton. I know he's stateside, and frankly I'm pretty tired of being told I should be thankful that he's not deployed. What makes you think I'm not thankful? I mean, really, who wants their husband deployed? Not me. I'm simply saying that I miss him.

He's not an 8 hour drive from me, he's a 36 hour drive (straight through) from me. He's a plane ticket. I could go see him, that's what gets to me. I could see him if I just had the money. Which really gets to me, I moved away from my job back in my home state and now, with the economy, I haven't been able to find a job. My degree is pointless, I feel useless, and we all know military pay is not the highest paying job. Living on one income is pretty darn hard!

So, please, don't tell me to be thankful he's stateside, because I am. I never wish a deployment on anyone, ever. I do, however, believe that God choose these fighting men and women for a reason, just like He choose us spouses to support them back home for a reason. We are all a part of the few and the proud. Not too much longer 'til I'm reunited with my husband...less than a week 'til my visit! Thank goodness! :)