The Boys of Fall

For all those country music lovers and sports lovers out there this post is for you...

I was watching Kenny Chesney's music video, "The Boys of Fall", today and I can relate to it in more ways then one. It actually really hit home.

I played multiple sports in high school including soccer, basketball, and men's tennis. I was a stud, for the most part. I always had league honors and was always a starter on varsity. Of course I wasn't the best at everything, but I always did my best.

Soccer was my first love. Every time I'd step on that field I would turn into a someone different. My heart was there and I was a leader. I was emotional. We'd stand there and listen to the National Anthem and my heart would beat out of my chest, my stomach would fill with the fluttering of butterflies, and my legs couldn't stop moving. I was the same way on the basketball court. Always. I played soccer for 14 years and basketball for 10 years. I loved them both. I loved the team. They were my sisters. (I'm number 3 below).

I really miss all of those things and I'd give anything to put on that Wildcat jersey and play a game. Just one.

So to all of those who are reading this and are currently a part of a team sport. Remember how it makes you feel to step on that court/field because that feeling will only come back a couple more times in your life once your sport is over with. That guy in the music video is right. It does come back when you get married. It'll come back very seldom. So cherish these moments in your life. Don't take them for granted.

Saying all of this I got to thinking and I have actually applied to a coaching position for soccer here in Beaufort. Fingers crossed!

Hormonal, much?

So the last 3 months since my husband has been gone, I have lived with a woman who is expecting her second baby. She is about 33 weeks along and I have found that it is in fact true that there are sympathy pains! I wasn't so sure of the whole theory until today!

I've been around her 24/7 and we are very good friends.

She's pointed out that I have had some cravings, but I didn't really think much about it. I have been really craving lemonade and chocolate. No, not together, but nonetheless. ha.

Anyway, today, I was very very moody and I got extremely stressed out. All we did was go out with several ladies around lunch for several hours. They all had their children and we didn't really have a time schedule or anything to accomplish. While with them I just wanted to lay in the floor and give up. I was stressed! I don't know why, but I do know that I was ready to kick some butt. Whether it was the lady behind me in line who kept touching me and saying "sorry hun" or the old man moving so slowly in front of me pushing his shopping cart. It was insane.

Then, my husband calls. I'd been waiting an hour and a half longer then I do on a daily basis to hear from him. He knew something was up. I told him that I was picking up pregnancy sympathy hormones and I was stressed, so he mockingly/jokingly said he was stressed from the same thing. I snapped! I told him I wasn't in the mood for his BS. It was bad! Then, shortly after I apologized. He had been so good to me throughout the entire day, there was no reason for me to act that way. I knew I was wrong and felt horribly. :( He did accept my apology and I promised I'd be better the next time we talked. I was. :)

It was just insane to me that I could be picking up these hormones from no where. Well, I guess it's not "no where", but still! It's insane! I guess it could essentially be based on the same thing as hanging out with a bunch of women all the time and starting your period simultaneously.

So I had to share. Has any of you had the same thing happen? How about with your husband? Has he had sympathy pains through your pregnancy? I mean, I've never been pregnant, I've just had this experience and I wonder what it'll be like when I do get pregnant. :)

A Loneliness from Hell

Have you ever felt like your world was, per say, crashing down around you? Or that you weren't worth anything to anyone? How about being so lonely that you don't even see a single soul around you?

Well, I've been having one of those weeks. I know, it's only Tuesday. It could only get better from here. Let's hope.

I just have been so discouraged recently. I'm not sure if it's because I just got done seeing my husband a couple weeks ago, and being without him has been a little tough, or what. Fact-of-the-matter-is, I'm still an emotional wreck.

I can't find a job. All I want to do is help my husband support our family. I have tried for nearly EIGHT MONTHS to find a job. I've applied everywhere! My degree that was thousands of dollars is USELESS. I'm useless.

I feel alone in a crowd of people. I always seem to be out of place with no words to help me. I feel lost with an opinion that doesn't matter.

My husband does everything he can do, but he is thousands of miles away. He's the only one that knows the deep crevices of my mind. He's my best friend.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to or what to talk about. It's hard for me to open up to someone and not feel like I'm being exposed to the world, and just judged. I'm pitiful and I miss my husband. A lot.

I want to do something, but I don't know what. I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything either. I love to scrapbook, but I haven't made time for it. I haven't been busy, I just don't do it, and I make excuses in the process.

I'm scared, alone, confused, and just miserable. 45 days. I pray I can handle this.

God wouldn't give me anything I cannot handle. I know this.